Nobody Cares

Jesus Christ! I just discovered something!

Or rather I rediscovered it for the 3 millionth time…

Nobody (actually) cares about me! I mean, they sort of do but not REALLY. They care about me as much as their abundance of self-esteem allows. They care about me to the extent to which I can help/support/care about them in return.

Pretty selfish we are, all of us, in fact.

I like it actually. It’s great. It’s a lovely, sweet (and slightly salty) reminder to not rely on others too much. To not expect human beings to be superheroes; my family or friends or lovers to be responsible for my happiness.

We’re all like scared, vulnerable creatures just doing our best to survive. It’s nobody’s fault that we cannot save one another. We can only save ourselves!

It’s true! And even that is quite a lot to ask!

We’re shitty too. Afraid of failing, of being hurt or rejected or disliked. We put this armour on so others think we’re whole. But nobody’s whole.

We’re like sand, I once wrote, many years ago: Tiny defeated grains of something greater.

And that’s still a pretty accurate description I believe!

Sand is insignificant, weak, fractured. It’s delicate, subtle, almost unnoticeable.

The weakest is the strongest, however, my Butoh teacher once told me. My strength, and the strength of all human beings, is in recognising our insignificance.

Your life is wasteful, silly, pointless. And yet: what’s the problem with that? It’s okay to be a speck on a wall. Planet Earth IS exactly that, after all. A tiny dot in the greater, much greater Universe.

Why not practice it? Make friends with it? Embrace it?

Here’s (maybe) how:

> Let go of something (anything) every day - a piece of clothing, a photo on your phone, a whatsapp conversation etc…

> Write / Journal about your insignificance… remind yourself daily of how small you are and how little you know about the world

> Visit cemeteries and/or people much older than yourself - Death is perhaps the most honest and powerful reminder there is of your destiny, and what reality entails for all humble living things

> Do nothing… have zero impact on the world and/or others’ lives - can you even do this? Maybe not, but its definitely fun (and humbling) to try!

I hope this was pessimistic and, simultaneously, optimistic enough for you dear reader… Though nobody (actually) cares either way.

And not even me (apparently) it seems…

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